Let me start off by saying that giving birth was not at all what I expected. When I think back, I am definitely triggered by different aspects of it. However, there was so much beauty in the process that I am willing to take a few L’s. 4 years ago today Cassidy was born – 8lbs 14 ounces and 20 inches long. The love of our lives and the biggest and most precious accomplishment.
I realized recently after scrolling through thousands of baby photos that I have never written a post about Cassidy’s birth. So what better day, than her birthday!
My due date was September 19th
The last month I was miserable. I kept telling the doctor that I thought Cassidy was going to be a big baby and that it was painful to walk and stand. I think I laid in bed for the last week or so, becoming best friends with Netflix. The midwives at my OB practice stressed that they didn’t want to strip my membranes or check dilation frequently. I grew frustrated.
My cousin flew in from Colorado and I tried to walk as much as possible. At my 40 week appointment, I was only half a centimeter dilated.
On my due date, we all went to my aunt’s house where we played cards and laughed all night. The following morning, 9/20, I woke up to use the bathroom. When I rolled to my side ( I was rolling in and out of bed at this point), I felt a small trickle. I was immediately embarrassed because I thought I peed on myself. I thought, let me hurry and change these sheets before Darrin notices. But when my feet hit the floor, the gush came. I ran into the bathroom, straight into the shower.
I told Darrin what happened and he started to clean up. At this point I didn’t have any pain. No cramping or anything.
Darrin brought the bag to the car with towels and we headed to the hospital. When we arrived, they checked and then confirmed my water had broke. I was only 1 cm. Since my water broke, they kept me. My mom brought me food. As I bit into my bagel, my nurse came in to start an IV for fluids. She told me I couldn’t eat anything. I continued to eat my bagel and she was a good sport, the IV went in effortlessly.
Time to Get Busy
Next, it was time to get in the tub that was in my room. I was cramping some. Darrin’s family started to arrive, taking photos, so I got out of the tub. I didn’t want to be exposed in the photos. They came in to monitor me and said my contractions were inconsistent but I felt them non stop. My midwife came in and said she wanted to start pitocin. I asked her to give me more time to progress on my own. She agreed to give me until 3pm, so we started walking. No progress. Pitocin started at 3pm sharp.
More family arrived but honestly I don’t remember much of them. I remember dry heaving with tons of people in the room, just wishing nobody was looking at me. At around 5 cm, the nurse came in and said that anesthesia had two back to back c-sections, so if I wanted an epidural it was a good time. I agreed.
It didn’t help much because I could feel every bit of my contractions. I have heard people talk about pitocin and the pain associated with contractions. I started on a peanut ball and with the nurses help, got to 10 cm. At this point I was ready to start pushing. The nurse made a comment about seeing Cassidy’s hair. I got so excited because I thought, we are almost there. The pain is almost done. What a joke. I pushed for 4 hours. After about an hour, the nurse mentioned that Cassidy’s head was cocked to her shoulder and that during contractions she was going to try to manipulate her position. She wasn’t successful.
Now on to Plan B
The midwife came in and said that my temperature was elevated and it had been 24 hours since my water broke. She recommended due to the baby’s position that we move forward with a c-section. I agreed. They had to call another doctor due to shift change, so I was told not to push and just wait. At this point I couldn’t make my body stop. I was clenching my legs trying to make it stop, but it wouldn’t. The doctor came to talk to me while anesthesia came to fix my epidural. I remember just staring at this old man, with indentations still on his face from his C-PAP machine, and I couldn’t hear anything that was coming out of his mouth. I just shook my head, anxious as hell.
When we got into the OR, my anxiety went through the roof. I kept telling them that I could feel my toes, terrified that they would start and I would feel everything. The assistant reassured me and gave me more anxiety medication. Thank God, because I felt like it took forever. All of the tugging was so odd. It felt like an out of body experience.
An eternity later, she cried! & then I heard, wow, that is a big baby. Finally, I was validated.